Semester's just started..
it's the first week of school...
everything has been going great...
just that...

i've been growing fatter...
sigh..ppl say being fat..it's like "fu"...suppose to be something good..
but...dunno why..the fatter i get..the more depressed and less confident i become...
sigh...esp when i'm studyin to become a dietitian...
social pressure? stereotyping? or just psycho problem...guess it's probably the latter...

been thinking back a bit...(esp since it's become the cold, intolerable winter)...
and realised..i've done so many stupid and silly things in my life that i can't believe i actually did it..
but yet...i dun regret any of it...cos for everythin i did...i put my heart to it...i was honest to myself and stuck to it no matter what the consequences were...

This time...i've become more homesick than i've ever been before...
last time...never felt the urge to go back S'pore...never felt the wanting for my family to come over..oh i miss familiar faces...i miss having that kind of comfortable silence in the company of close friends..where i can just sit there...dun talk..and just stare into space...

i guess...i've just began to be a bit more lonely...
but yet growing up to the real world of building contacts..and striving to be a professional in the working world..having bigger goals..doing bigger things...

Winter...

sad, gloomy, grey and depressing...
that's all i can associate with it...
when i wake up in the cold...
when i see the rain falling out of the windows...
when i see the grey clouds flooding the skies...
one word comes to mind ~ depression

don't know how to describe this feeling...
just a sense of loneliness...
sense of insecurity...

every time i pray...i wish God was a physical person...
if i could see God, feel him, hold him....
i would want to hold him forever...
want to embrace him forever....
want to hold his hand forever....
who else could love me as much as him...
who else could stay firm supporting me through every single error and silly mistake in my life..
who else would always forgive me though i keep hurting him, and making him sad over and over again...
he is my portion, my all....he is sufficient...
in my vulnerability he will give me strength..
in my sadness he will bring happiness..
as i move further...he will steer me back...
in times of danger...he will protect me and keep me safe...
who is there like You, O Lord!