what do you do when you miss someone?

all you can do is pray...
pray that one day we'll be together again,
pray that you'll be strong enough to overcome these feelings,
pray for comfort, pray for wisdom, pray for courage to take each step at a time...

mmmm nothing's happened, we're getting along as close as we can...doing whatever we can to keep the communication going...but nothing beats being close to someone physically, to be able to give them a hug, a kiss or just hold their hand..nothing beats just seeing them smile in front of you with eyes lit up and being able to touch their cheeks...

mmmm we can see our future together...or at least our hoped future together...wish time could pass faster.....

but in the meantime...i will pray...i believe in time, we will be together for a long long time...

How do long term relationships work?

DO i really have what it takes to keep this going?

I'm not sure...time and time...i keep feeling like running away..
it's a constant thing...though there's no arguements...
no particular incident that cld cause this...
I just sometimes start to think..mb..just mb...this is enough...
what do i mean? I don't really know..this phrase just pops in my head...
and then i just feel like giving up..selfish-probably!

Pms?is it really?cld it be? it just ended tho..

being apart feels sad...and to some extent feels distant..
when he's sick and not feelin well..i can't be there..
what he's really experiencing..i can't exactly comprehend..
I feel upset that i'm missing him...also upset that i caused him to miss me..
Remind me why we first started...then remind me where we're headed..

why is my heart seemingly wavered? Feelings haven't changed...
just emotions? how do long term relationships work? how do we make it work?
why do we even try to make it work? Is it really worth it? cld it be better to just let the other person go...why keep him next to me while i'm so unstable..
am i really mature enough to handle this? Dad thinks i need to grow up..
will i ever?

sorry for the ranting..just feelin down these 2 days...
feels like i'm procrastinating big time again...been shoppin today instead of studying...just really consciously not feeling like studying...=(

我为什么总会留在喜欢人这种阶段呢？
几时会有我喜欢的人先喜欢上我呢？

现在喜欢的。。又是那种不应该喜欢的。。
他比我小几岁。。自己都不懂自己要走的路像什么。。
不知喜欢什么。。但就会每天想着。。
会每天想跟他聊天。。跟他一起。。
他就是这样吸影了我。。

回想到以前的男友。。会想念。。会喜欢。。也曾爱过。。
但也是那种没后过的爱情故事。。

有一天。。会有一个奇迹发生的！我相信。。

Hmmm...

was just reading through my past entry...
guess i better correct something...
it's not that i never really loved the other...
it was that we were simply not suitable,
we didn't know how to love each other the way the other would feel the love.

Funny how absence does make the heart feel fonder...
Just 15mins of talking to him...and the effect lasted for hours...
Love's always playing a joke or two on it's checkers...
contented. happy!

New life - Freedom!

3 months after THE breakup, i've grown to be a much stronger person.
Used to think, probably still think about it sometimes...why do people have to be so mean?
Why can't guys just mean what they say all the time?! Why does the truth seem so cruel sometimes, or why does the truth seem so unreal?

Now, i'm at peace, people can do what they like, i can't expect perfection out of them. Why? cos no one is perfect, we're all struggling in this world to get through it, make a living, survive practically, how could we put all our hope in imperfect people that will never satisfy us. We'll only end up disappointed and depressed. I'm lucky God said that i was only passing through this place, that i don't belong here, that one day i'll go up and be happy always, forever, in the warmth of His love. He has given me strength through these months, he has given me people to show me his love and comfort, he has showed me that it is freedom that i have received. Sadness and pain, they are just temporary, but he is faithful and forever. I'm human, i go through the emotional pain and struggles, i still do feel them..but now, i delight in them, i know that he will deliver me, that he has great plans for me!

Life's funny, in the end..I realised, probably i didn't really love him, i thought i did, but it probably wasn't love. I've found my first love to be my faithful love, through these years, he never really left, neither did i. This is probably the 3rd year now, and i still like him lots, it's simple, it's mutual. He's the same. After a year of rejection, we met online one fine day, and it instantly worked out. Even now, he makes me smile just thinking bout him, he makes waiting feel like it's a good thing and not a drag, i feel happy just being beside him, and he doesn't realise how easy it is for him to push the buttons to make me smile. My dad calls this puppy love.Seriously isn't love meant to feel this way? You tell me..

I've never felt this way with the other. Only felt pain, hurt, guilt, insecurity and anger for most of the time. No matter which buttons he tried to press, it somehow seemed to be the wrong one all the time.Vice versa. To him, i was the unreasonable, pms b****. Funny thing is, this actually lasted a year. Yea we had good times, but that's probably 1/3 of the time, given the benefit of the doubt. I'm glad it's over, i'm glad i'm free to love again! I'm glad i can be who i am, just the way i'd like to be, and the most importantly, i'm glad that i was drawn closer to God through this incident.

Reminiscing

Is that what they call it?
Waking up in my room, smelling the air..my bed, my pillows...
just lying there lingering...feel nice, feels comfy..feels at home..
i love to smell things..smells help me remember moments..happy moments, sad moments...
but today..it was happy moments...
the air today is cool..is still..
my heart feels still...
I remember the days of happiness, of just lying about, enjoying the company, enjoying closeness, feeling happy, smiles all over, sweetness all over...
Even though knowing that feelings are temporary...these ones make them all worth the effort of creating them.

i guess...i've reached a stage of numbness..
numbness to things, numbness in front of someone...
no feeling, no expression..afraid to say another hurting word, afraid to listen to another story.
no longer trust, no longer want to trust.
it's funny how a trusting person like myself can reach a stage where i totally distrust someone,
to the point where i lose faith and hope in them.
But still, i wish em all the best, hopefully someday they can figure their lives out, hopefully someday they'll realise the true meaning of loyalty, faithfulness and love.

Hello everyone!

Greetings greetings!! Happy new year?!
erm a little late...i know..sorry sorry...

well i'm blogging now from my dear friend's place and it's really nice here!..
oh if you're wondering...i'm in melbourne now...
going for an interview tomorrow...it's pretty exciting...never really had much experience with group interviews..but i reckon it's going to be a fun experience and i'm looking forward to it!

Well what have you missed since September?

Hmmm i've finally been granted my permanent residency visa in Australia...which is really cool then i don't have to keep applying for visas when i come over...
another thing is... i'm still hunting for my permanent job....so yeah..that's still in the process...
Everything's been really good..i've been truly blessed...only downside is probably my love life..but well...it'll peak up again..i'll be strong and recover my full cheerfulness soon i'm sure!

Hmmm...where have i been?
Erm well i was residing in Canberra for quite a long time waiting for my visa to get approved and finally flew back to Singapore in late Dec for the new year and a couple of weeks..and now i'm in Melb going for an interview..and i'll be flying back to Singapore on Friday for the Lunar new year...before flying back to Canberra...sounds crazy? yea..pretty much a little...but at least it's something to look forward to....

Was walking at Chapel St today...and guess what..i've finally got an outfit to wear for chinese new year..hahhaa...just picked it up from one of the shops...a black top/dress thingy...looks alright..feels comfortable..and no need to worry about 'zao geng'...so i think it's good for the new year..*ching ching*!

Alright...take care everyone! and update me with your lives soon kz!!
Love ya! cheers!